good end for the day

I listed a few double copies of a new movie on craigs list. I wanted them gone. I purchased 3 copies of the Ice Age 3 Dawn of the Dinosaurs from CVS back when it was on a good sale for me. (I am still trying to drink all the coke. Slowly of course. I am on the 2nd 12-pk since I bought them). Well both copies I listed on Craigslist have sold in less than 2hrs of posting the ad. Yay!!! I sold them cheap because I know other kids out there would want a copy and plus I didn't pay a lot for them anyways. So easy $20 for me. $10 for each copy. Really made my day before going to sleep.

What a last few days

So my stress lvl is roughly 10o out of 10. Ctx's are coming and they are strong and hurt. I am sure they are due to the stress level. So now just trying to hold out until my next appt on Monday with the ob to see if anything is happening down there. I plan to ask to be checked. I am sure nothings going on but i want to know.

I was going to go get checked last night but got home and took a T3 and 1/2 an ambien instead. it was so nice to get some sleep. The boys slept all night it was great!!

........

Sabrina's school nurse called today to give me a compliment on Sabrina's sense of responsibility with her medicine. Sabrina needed her inhaler and the nurse was not in the office. Sabrina got in the cabinet, got her inhaler did it and put it back, then went to the nurse's desk found a post-it note "wrote the time, her name, the date, and 2 puffs" then signed it. She said Sabrina is the ONLY second grader she trusts to do that with the medicine. Talk about a mommy ego boost. I may not do a lot of things right but I did teach my child the importance of her medicine.

Can't take it..

Rick has finally pushed me over the edge! I have spent the last 25hrs upset, stressed to the max, and crying off n on. Yes I am sure partly hormones. He has made my day today so completely utterly stressful. I told someone right in front of rick that I was ready to tell him and the girls dad to both go screw themselves. I am being treated as a child to the extent of being told who I can talk to and who I will take my children too for a doctor. As soon as I get cleared by the doctors after delivery then I will be looking at becoming a single mother of 5 children. I am scared out of my mind at this! I just don't know what else to do.

I am just so tired of nothing being right. I can't have children the right way because I have c-sections. I don't keep the house clean enough. I don't cook enough. The list goes on n on n on. I am just so tired. Yes I know the unknown is scary and will be hard. But it has to (just has to) be better than what I am dealing with right now. Rick told a lady today (who visits to check on me and help me get referrals as needed) that the girls don't like him and he doesn't really care for them either. How am I as a mother supposed to stay with someone who doesn't like my children? He even made sure to make sure she knew the girls were from another man and thats the whole problem. WTF?! If he felt that way from the beginning he should have told me before we brought 2 (almost 3) children into this world.

After him saying that I completely feel I just screwed up 3 little boys lives and feel like a failure to them already. Rick has the girls dad so upset with me because Rick called him and ripped into him today that he is going to try to take the van back. If he does that I will be completely screwed for getting the girls back n forth to school.

I had a counseling session today and walked out in a calm mood. Rick called and threw that out the damn window within 30 seconds. My bp is up to high for me and its draining me, at last check my bp was 143-111. I know its all stressed related and I am truly trying to get myself calmed down. Its just hard when the tension is so thick in the house right now that a steak knife would barely be able to cut it. So in just alittle over 11wks I will be starting hopefully the process of leaving Rick. I just don't know what else to do. Rick's mom last night said the last comment from her I could handle. I told him that and he is defending his mom.

Rick called me and left a message that we were going to go visit his mom for a few hours fine. I can deal with her for a few hours. He told the girl's we'd stop at McDonald's for lunch. Well he didn't do that. We get to his moms (this woman never seems to have any real food there anymore) and she feeds the kids buttered toast and chips for lunch. I get ticked off and tell the girls I will just go get food from the store nope can't do that because all the sudden rick n his mom have to fix her computer, router, and modem. I am not taking 5 kids by myself (ricks niece included) to the store when I know they will act up because we are away from home. So fast forward 5hrs later (way too long for me comfort level) and they order pizza. Great REAL food! The boys haven't napped since the crib smells funky. The girls are bored, tired and ready to go home. So of course Aja being Aja means she was not listening to what she was told. I got on Aja for that and it wasn't good enough for Rick's mom. She made Aja sit down (fine i was getting my pregnant butt in there to do that). She then proceeds to tell Aja "if I could I'd smack your butt so hard you wouldn't be able to sit down for 3 fucking years!" WHOA!! First off my kid back the hell off woman! Secondly touch my child in that way and I'll drop kick your old ass while telling you what I think of you!

I told Rick when we were heading home that next time he wants to have a tech fest at his moms to leave the kids and myself at home. I can watch spongebob and ignored just fine there. Plus at least at home I have food I know I can make the kids to eat. ....

Rick has Sabrina so afraid of him her teacher can see it and asked me about it. If I wasn't ready to pop any day now I'd look at moving now. However I don't think it'd be a great idea to do it now since then I wouldn't have anyone to watch the kids while I had Leo.

okay done venting and rambling. Writing (typing) out my feelings and thoughts truly does help me feel better.

C-section Date is Set!

So Monday I had an ob appt and the doctor was in complete shock that the c-section had not been scheduled yet. So he sent the request, scheduling has been working hard on my date for me.

I am scheduled for Dec 8th @ 9am! 32 days!!! I won't share my b-day with my son but 1 day before is not too bad either.