Time to update and use again.

I found out I was pregnant Feb. 15th. It was a shock. My pregnancy went as well as I could expect I figured. I continued to focus on eating well and for a short time I lost weight. I did end up being diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes this time. I followed my "diet" and still didn't gain weight. Around 28 weeks I starting itching badly. I was told I had developed Cholestasis of Pregnancy - which meant I would have to deliver earlier than I had expected. Around 34 weeks I finally started putting on weight which I had lost. I delivered a healthy baby boy weighing in at 8lbs 2ozs and 21 inches long at 37 weeks 3 days gestation on September 26th @ 2:41pm. He is absolutely beautiful.

I love him very much, but he will never replaced the hole in my heart from missing my other children. It has been pretty well 3 years since I have seen my other kids and each day that passes I miss them more than I did the day before. I pray that someday they come find me so I can tell them how much I miss and love them and prayed each day for them to grow up and be happy.

Well got some exciting news

I found out I am pregnant! I got an ultrasound yesterday and I am 6wks along and due 10/14/14! This is my last baby. So this pregnancy will be bittersweet. I will cherish every moment good or bad this time. I am thankful for this pregnancy and doing my best to take care of myself already.

Always Tired

I am always tired. My medicine is acting weird and making me sleepy again. Plus I got put on a new medicine that makes it difficult to sleep, but once I am asleep I am OUT! I have dreams of the kids and it breaks my heart that I can't see them. I am trying to change that but is a slow process.

Work is going well. I hope my review goes well in a couple weeks. I am learning new products and retaining new knowledge.

I need to get some lab work done but I'm avoiding it because I am afraid of the results and it's not even for glucose levels or anything. I need to get my levels checked for one of my medicines.

Well stay safe and warm. Take care.

Tired

I am trying to do the right thing by the girls and shane's wishes by going through the court. Well I try to get help to get an attorney for parenting time and i ask shane for the address so i can give it to the attorney. I get accused to trying to abuse the system and take advantage of him. I want to see my girls but i will go through the channels he wants. I'm not going to drive about 3 1/2 hours on the chance I might get a glimpse of them outside by the house. I just want them to know I love them and I am sorry I didn't get the help I needed sooner.

The boys are another story. I don't even contact their dad (not supposed to anyways). So i added them to the list of kids I want parenting time with. That should go over like a ton of bricks in quicksand.

I pray each night for them and I will never stop loving them ever!

Try to do the right thing

I am trying to get some legal help so I can get some parenting time with my children. I can't seem to do the right thing there. I ask for the address for the girls dad and it gets turned into drama about how i haven't changed and never will. I wasn't going to go to the house or anything i wanted it for an attorney if I was able to obtain one. The girls birthday cards will sit with me until I am able to see them again - each year marked and money included. I am going to start being a better person. I am going to remember birthdays and such.

The fathers using the kids to hurt me will come back to bite all of us and i just pray the kids forgive me someday.