New Year approaching real soon

Oh man what happened to this last year? It is has gone by so fast. I feel like I just had Thad and here he is already 13 months old and I have another new little guy. The girls are off to their First Visit to the Ocean right now. Rick was being very helpful for a little while and now he is back to before, -- No Help At All. He doesn't want to have another baby yet but he won't stop bugging me to give it up. Osiris has been vomiting off n on since yesterday now and somehow Rick feels this is my fault. Scratching my head to figure how what I did to make the kid throw up... I know my stomach is hurting like it is upset (prolly related to my gallbladder still needing removed).

anyways for the new year like I said I have some plans already set-up ready to go.

1. Take money aside each week for certain bills
2. Balance and track my spending better
3. Track my savings at all stores so I can see what it is
4. Try to relax more
5. Lose some weight

The weight lose thing is off to a good start. I am already back down to my pre-pg Leo weight (3-4 month post delivery of Thad weight).  My starting weight is 216 and by 2yrs from now I would like to be 165. So I am giving myself 2yrs to lose 51 lbs. Not too hard to do. Heck I might do it sooner if I keep up what is going on now. Only time will tell, I will not be upset if I do not make it by the end of 2010.

I am going to do more work on getting everything ready and in place in case I need it to be a single parent of 5. I know it will be hard work but I honestly feel that the girls might relax more and be able to be kids like they should be. Their dad has told me that neither of them are wearing pull-ups to bed like here at home, that just makes me feel like complete CRAP! knowing that my girls are more relaxed there than here. I do understand why they are that way though, their dad is a lot more lax on things than Rick is.

Well I guess I must end this session since I have 2 boys crying... one wants fed and the other wants out of his bed. 

Merry Christmas to All!

Merry Christmas to All! Or if you prefer --- Happy Holidays!

Christmas morning I got to sleep in and I was shocked. I was able to get up and shower before the boys woke up. The girls left on Wednesday for their dads, well my sister and bil took them with them when they left to go back to Crawfordsville. We were due for ice on Thursday and I didn't want to try to drive in it to take the girls to meet their dad 1/2 way. So since then I have been slightly depressed. I feel like I am letting them down because I can't go spend as much money on them like their dad did for Christmas. I know he just wants to make up for not seeing them more during the year but still makes me feel like crude.

So on Christmas Eve night I decided what my new year's resolution will be .... After I get my bills caught up I will be taking $20 a week to set back for Christmas next year, $35 a week towards Aja's preschool fees, $15 a week towards my attorney bill, and $12 a week towards my car insurance .. leaving me with $51 a week for diapers, fuel in my van, and cvs deals if I get the time. I can work with that since I blow too much on other things like eating out when no one is around me in the van.

I hope my girls are having fun with their dad and grandma in Florida this year. I really hate not having the girls around for Christmas. I haven't had them on Christmas for 3yrs now and it really hurts. The house just feels kind of empty when they are gone. 

anyways, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas or Holiday!

Recycle Bank

Recycle Bank is something in a few areas that encourage recycling by offering rewards. Well right now even if they aren't in your area you can still get some benefit from them with electronics. Also right now when you open a new account they will give you 100pts to start with. You can get a $4/$20 CVS coupon for 40pts, not bad really. CVS is a sponsor that authorized that coupon. Coke has a $1 off any product coupon for 10pts. So say you need a bottle of Dasani water and it is $1.39 well with that coupon makes it $.39 for a bottle of water. Not bad at all! So there are stuff you can get now with your free 100pts for opening an account. Plus if you can get enough people interested then maybe you could get your community into it and then earn even more points for items from the program.

I do know this is something big in NY and if enough people get involved we can help recycle even more.

8 Days in this world

Leo has been in this world 8 days now. I can't believe its been that short of a time yet so long ago. Sunday 12/13 was my EDD with him. I almost wonder if I could have made it to my EDD and 3 days passed it (today 12/16) with no problems other than a rather large baby. I don't think I could have made it body wise because I was out of room for him and I am still having pelvic problems when I lay flat on either side of my body.

So let me back up a few....

On Sunday 12/06 I woke up about 3am with a huge pain in the front of my belly, noticed a "knot" feeling in the front of it in my pooch belly area. I called the on-call because the pain from it was really bad. I received no return call, so after waiting an hr for a call I went back to bed. I was still in major pain, so I took one T3 and waddled thru my day in pain.

On Monday 12/07 the area hurt to even put my clothes against. I didn't think I'd be able to make it the day without going to L&D for it. I did my pre-op lab work at 9:30a, went home and canceled my counseling appt because I was so swollen it hurt. I get home rest as much as I can and then head off to my last OB Appt which is my Pre-op appt. Dr. Assphat is a smartass and i knew he'd have something fun to say. He walked in and told me "he was going to have to rescheduled my c-section because that day just didn't work for him". I laughed and said oh well doc I'll be there anyways and won't be leaving until after my son is out. He laughed and said I was no fun. I get out of there go home for another appt and then after it go get the girls from school. We get everyone taken care of and fed then head off to Aja's preschool Christmas program. Aja was an angel in the program. I joked with her teacher if she had a pair of horns to hold up the halo? LOL!

Monday night, My mom and Sister arrive after we get home from the program. Dh is not home yet from getting SIL. Kids get in bed and Dh and SIL arrive. I am congested and not feeling well, but still very excited and unable to sleep. I do some dishes, make a list and double check i have everything I want to take ready. I am finally able to get some sleep for a few hours. I am wide awake and ready to go @ 3am. I am out of my mind because time is moving so slowly.

Tuesday - Around 5am get in the shower and try to relax. I was still really congested but didn't take my medicine since I couldn't drink anything and didn't want that on an empty stomach. I finally make enough noise to wake up Rick, Sabrina, my mom and sister. Get all my stuff gathered up near the backdoor. We keep it quiet as not to wake Osiris because he sleeps on the couch, only place he will sleep all night without waking up.

I get to the hospital and start to get a little nervous. Get back in the room take one last belly pic, strip down, go potty, then weigh myself. I go out and get in the bed and notice my legs hurt from swelling and being scared at this point. The nurse does all the normal asking of questions and comes back with the goodies to start my i.v.. she tells me she needs to do my pre-op lab, then i mention i did that yesterday. She was in shock goes out and checks yup did all but ONE, i was annoyed. Anyways she gets the one vial she needs and gets the iv going. Of course then i feel the urge to pee again, but i wait it out for awhile. Rick and I watch some tv for awhile and then the nurse comes and takes the monitors off me. At that point I decide I can go pee and not feel bad haha. I get in there and decide one last chance to have a bm. (tmi coming up) I notice my bm is mixed with blood. I don't think anything of it at all for some reason.

3 docs make trips to the room and then get taken back to the OR. I was actually shaking because I was scared at this point. I am not sure why. I get in there they get the spinal in and lay on my back. I start to feel sick from no food in my system and my bile from my gallbladder building up in my stomach. Luckily all i did spit up was spit bubbles and minor stomach acid. The doctors finish up the stuff they are doing and rick comes in just before they make the incision cut. I am still sort of out of it when I hear "LOOK at all that hair!" I was like wow they are already in there and hell I didn't even realize it.

The Dr was just as shocked as myself to see that Leo was no longer breech. He was breech at my last ob appt the day before. So that ment sometime he flipped and I didn't realize it. I laugh when I think that Leo made sure to flip so that the staff didn't cut the wrong thing haha! Leo makes his exit and Rick is called over to cut the cord! He was happy to get the chance to do that. He didn't get to with Osiris since it was the middle of the night and didn't get to with Thad either. So he was very happy too finally get a chance to cut the cord. I was in the recovery room before I knew it and I finally got a first time thing happen for me. I got to do skin to skin with Leo and nurse right away. I didn't get that with the girls as per policy at the time at Wishard all babies went to be evaluated while mom was recovering and the boys ended up in the NICU. So to get that experience with Leo was just wonderful!

I had a few of the same nurses this year for the my c-section and for my mother/baby room. It was nice to see some familiar faces. They were all shocked to see me again so soon but I've gotten used to that reaction haha. I made some nurses happy again this year. I brought in a box of chocolates and a box of hot cocoa variety packets for each nurse shift change that gave me a new "main" nurse. The nurses this year didn't always get a decent lunch hour so the stuff gave them a little something to hold them over for a while.

Upon discharge my nurse gave me so much stuff I was in shock. I got 2 diaper bags for nursing mothers, 2 packages of newborn diapers, a beach bag (i brought with me) 1/2 full of size 1 diapers, 2 boxes of ready to feed 2oz bottles of formula, an unopened package of hospital monster pads and a few more items. I was overjoyed and felt blessed to receive them because that ment I wouldn't have to go get diapers for Leo for awhile as I have a package of size 1's and 2's in the boys closet already. Leo still fits in a newborn diaper just fine even now and I am thankful I will get to use all the newborn diapers up first.

Leonidas is here

Leonidas Thomas Rish has arrived! He arrived via repeat c-section at 9:25a. He tipped the scales at 9lbs 4ozs (my biggest baby thus far!) and 20 1/4 inches long.

The girls are so excited to get to see their brother. With the H1N1 restrictions at the hospital the girls aren't allowed to visit. So less stress on me really.

Today is the day

Here is it 3:41a and I can't sleep. I am the only one awake in the house. I have been awake for 41 minutes now. I am awake because I have a freakin runny/stuffy nose. Figures hehe!

in 3hrs we will be leaving for the hospital. Check in is 7am. All the pre-op lab work is done, had to do it yesterday. So sitting there for 2hrs bored out of my mind is going to be fun.

I wish I could get alittle more sleep before it was time to get up and ready in 2hrs. Oh well I am just glad I got any sleep AT ALL last night.

good end for the day

I listed a few double copies of a new movie on craigs list. I wanted them gone. I purchased 3 copies of the Ice Age 3 Dawn of the Dinosaurs from CVS back when it was on a good sale for me. (I am still trying to drink all the coke. Slowly of course. I am on the 2nd 12-pk since I bought them). Well both copies I listed on Craigslist have sold in less than 2hrs of posting the ad. Yay!!! I sold them cheap because I know other kids out there would want a copy and plus I didn't pay a lot for them anyways. So easy $20 for me. $10 for each copy. Really made my day before going to sleep.

What a last few days

So my stress lvl is roughly 10o out of 10. Ctx's are coming and they are strong and hurt. I am sure they are due to the stress level. So now just trying to hold out until my next appt on Monday with the ob to see if anything is happening down there. I plan to ask to be checked. I am sure nothings going on but i want to know.

I was going to go get checked last night but got home and took a T3 and 1/2 an ambien instead. it was so nice to get some sleep. The boys slept all night it was great!!

........

Sabrina's school nurse called today to give me a compliment on Sabrina's sense of responsibility with her medicine. Sabrina needed her inhaler and the nurse was not in the office. Sabrina got in the cabinet, got her inhaler did it and put it back, then went to the nurse's desk found a post-it note "wrote the time, her name, the date, and 2 puffs" then signed it. She said Sabrina is the ONLY second grader she trusts to do that with the medicine. Talk about a mommy ego boost. I may not do a lot of things right but I did teach my child the importance of her medicine.

Can't take it..

Rick has finally pushed me over the edge! I have spent the last 25hrs upset, stressed to the max, and crying off n on. Yes I am sure partly hormones. He has made my day today so completely utterly stressful. I told someone right in front of rick that I was ready to tell him and the girls dad to both go screw themselves. I am being treated as a child to the extent of being told who I can talk to and who I will take my children too for a doctor. As soon as I get cleared by the doctors after delivery then I will be looking at becoming a single mother of 5 children. I am scared out of my mind at this! I just don't know what else to do.

I am just so tired of nothing being right. I can't have children the right way because I have c-sections. I don't keep the house clean enough. I don't cook enough. The list goes on n on n on. I am just so tired. Yes I know the unknown is scary and will be hard. But it has to (just has to) be better than what I am dealing with right now. Rick told a lady today (who visits to check on me and help me get referrals as needed) that the girls don't like him and he doesn't really care for them either. How am I as a mother supposed to stay with someone who doesn't like my children? He even made sure to make sure she knew the girls were from another man and thats the whole problem. WTF?! If he felt that way from the beginning he should have told me before we brought 2 (almost 3) children into this world.

After him saying that I completely feel I just screwed up 3 little boys lives and feel like a failure to them already. Rick has the girls dad so upset with me because Rick called him and ripped into him today that he is going to try to take the van back. If he does that I will be completely screwed for getting the girls back n forth to school.

I had a counseling session today and walked out in a calm mood. Rick called and threw that out the damn window within 30 seconds. My bp is up to high for me and its draining me, at last check my bp was 143-111. I know its all stressed related and I am truly trying to get myself calmed down. Its just hard when the tension is so thick in the house right now that a steak knife would barely be able to cut it. So in just alittle over 11wks I will be starting hopefully the process of leaving Rick. I just don't know what else to do. Rick's mom last night said the last comment from her I could handle. I told him that and he is defending his mom.

Rick called me and left a message that we were going to go visit his mom for a few hours fine. I can deal with her for a few hours. He told the girl's we'd stop at McDonald's for lunch. Well he didn't do that. We get to his moms (this woman never seems to have any real food there anymore) and she feeds the kids buttered toast and chips for lunch. I get ticked off and tell the girls I will just go get food from the store nope can't do that because all the sudden rick n his mom have to fix her computer, router, and modem. I am not taking 5 kids by myself (ricks niece included) to the store when I know they will act up because we are away from home. So fast forward 5hrs later (way too long for me comfort level) and they order pizza. Great REAL food! The boys haven't napped since the crib smells funky. The girls are bored, tired and ready to go home. So of course Aja being Aja means she was not listening to what she was told. I got on Aja for that and it wasn't good enough for Rick's mom. She made Aja sit down (fine i was getting my pregnant butt in there to do that). She then proceeds to tell Aja "if I could I'd smack your butt so hard you wouldn't be able to sit down for 3 fucking years!" WHOA!! First off my kid back the hell off woman! Secondly touch my child in that way and I'll drop kick your old ass while telling you what I think of you!

I told Rick when we were heading home that next time he wants to have a tech fest at his moms to leave the kids and myself at home. I can watch spongebob and ignored just fine there. Plus at least at home I have food I know I can make the kids to eat. ....

Rick has Sabrina so afraid of him her teacher can see it and asked me about it. If I wasn't ready to pop any day now I'd look at moving now. However I don't think it'd be a great idea to do it now since then I wouldn't have anyone to watch the kids while I had Leo.

okay done venting and rambling. Writing (typing) out my feelings and thoughts truly does help me feel better.

C-section Date is Set!

So Monday I had an ob appt and the doctor was in complete shock that the c-section had not been scheduled yet. So he sent the request, scheduling has been working hard on my date for me.

I am scheduled for Dec 8th @ 9am! 32 days!!! I won't share my b-day with my son but 1 day before is not too bad either.